This problem came at me after graduation or maybe during my thesis subject only extension year in college. I like doing the kind of work I was doing for my thesis study. But that work was some expensive work. And for better or for worse I had to find other ways of funding that project other than relying in my parents' constantly delayed promises.

So there I tried applying for grants, for sponsorships, cold-calling people, asking believers in my project that are better off, etc.
Through that I was able to touch on the more "real-world" aspect of art. The world that is different from the university. From the employer. From the freelancer.

I was there doing the stuff that I really like. Not necessarily for the benefit of some brand, company, or organization. But for the benefit of the project itself. Which looks a bit selfish. But the effects are not that so.

It's like what the alchemists says that it is not about the lead turning into gold. It is about that when someone or something evolves all the other things around it evolves. So by focusing on the evolution of something inside, which we have more control over though can be much harder to get started at. Benefits the people and things around us.

For me for example, I've become more humble, more generous, more appreciative of many things after diving into this pool of "selfless selfishness".

Selfless selfishness

It's like when you're doing something that you really really really like doing. Like time just passes by without you knowing it because you're having so much fun doing it.

It's like when you're so happy at the end of the day that you're worries, troubles, problems, body-ache, all of those shitty things. You them all supercial compared to the happiness that you're experiencing.

Like that. It is when transcendence happen. When dichotomies are reconciled.

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